Recently a dog added me on FB. Daisy, seems to be one of the most tech savvy dogs I have come across. She’s been quite active on FB as I see other dogs on her friends list. On her info page, under languages, she boasts that she knows “woof, English, French, German.”
As I had a presentation the next day, and obviously i had all the time in the world to do everything else but work on my presentation ( which I bombed majorly ), life had just provided me with an amusing opportunity to procrastinate. Like an easily distracted dog, I took the bait. I message her..
Don’t you have anything to fetch..?
I waited for a bit and Daisy did not respond. I thought to myself, Excellento! A one-sided conversation. Awesome. I love this shit already. So, i probed her a bit more..
You know your name sounds like Daisy mounts Strakovsky right..
on second thought..
that’s not a bad picture at all
I wonder how your life is..
What you think about..
At this point, some other girl commented on a tweet of mine and we started chatting and she asked me, so what are you up to? I was like, uh, nothing much. You know, talking to a dog on FB etc. She’s like, are you calling me a dog? I’m like whoa… I did not see that coming. So, anyway, after a couple of minutes, I got bored of her and blew her off so I could go back to my interesting conversation with Daisy.
some silly girl..
i wonder what you think about..
Do you believe in god ?
You probably don’t need to right.
Why would you ?
You don’t need someone to tell you what is right or wrong na ?
You seem to do things based on your animal instinct.
And if its harmful to others..
So be it.
It is part of your nature, after all, isn’t it
And what if some grave injustice was done to you.
You don’t need a god to blame it on.
Ah. I see.
Maybe the answer lies
..lies in the fact that you don’t dream of having power over other dogs
And ruling them
Although you do care about your territory and your stuff..
so one could say that you do indeed have an ‘ego’ if i may call it that but ..
it’s quite different from a human ego
But you do need love and affection.
Ah. I see.
At this point, it struck me, that maybe by talking to Daisy, i was perhaps searching for answers to my own existential dilemmas. But it’s hardly correct to compare with a dog. We are men after all. A more apt comparison would be pigs – they can run 7 minute miles and have thirty minute orgasms. Awesome. Someone find me a tech-savvy pig.
if you had, say, one bone.
you’d be happy
but say, if you had a dozen
i wonder what you’d do with it.
it would too unrealistic to hope that you, with all your infinite wisdom, would take some of them to another dog, who had say, ample supply of meat and exchange it for a steak
this is so interesting
now i wonder if you have a soul
do you ever dream of being the most awesomest dog in this whole wide world daisy?
do you dream about waking up one day and being swooped off your feet by some big black Rottweiler?
Of course not.
How silly of me.
You don’t read books to have these fancy notions now do you.
Which is so interesting..
because for all you care, this could be the 18th century and you wouldn’t know better
er..except the fact that you wouldn’t be on fb and i would not be telling you all this..
Isn’t it interesting that Dog spelled backwards is God. Isn’t it strange that you could forget about them and do your thing, but when you come back, they’d be happy to see you? That even if you were all alone in the world, mutt and God wouldn’t ditch you? They’d forgive you, and love you no matter what?
do you see everything in black and white?
What if you didn’t perceive things as we do..
okay .. that is being ridiculous..
we did evolve from the same genetic soup..
do you care about all the other dogs that have come and lived long ago and gone
And all the wonderful dogs out there in the world..
doing awesome things and chasing colorful balls..
You don’t give a shit about all that do you ?
I wonder if you do morally wrong things like..
could i bribe you ?
I’m sure i could..
but then would it be perceived as a crime ?
no dog jury would convict you for that they’d say.. hey.. He’s dog after all. And dogs make mistakes.
Ah i wonder if numbers mean anything to you
do you think it is possible for me to teach you math?
what if i devised a pad..
a big pad with different areas which did different functions..
and you could paw them and do addition, subtraction and i’d give you a treat if you got it correct.
are you that smart daisy?
This is indeed very curious to me. Also, what would happen if dogs took over the world. Would female dogs still be discriminated against? How would their caste system look like – Bulldogs as police, Pitbulls as druglords, Rottweilers as military, Labradors as workers, Samoyeds & Pomeranian as models, Chow Chows as businessmen, Bichon Frise as lawyers, Collies would form the ruling class, Retrievers would be the scientists and Chihuahuas would be kings and queens.
what a curious name
Do you stereotype other dogs based on their names and how they look daisy ?
Would you see be able to hear an indian dog and make fun of his accent..
you wouldn’t na..Good daisy
Ok..how about this
What if a genie appears and was willing to grant you anything in the world
I wonder what would you ask for
eradicate poverty from the world ?
i don’t think so
all you’d wish for is a bone..
maybe you wouldn’t even wish for that
perhaps, all you would wish for
is to be left to yourself
and not to be bothered with petty things..
Interesting. Very interesting.
You have taught me a lot today daisy.
Got to go now.
Bite Whitney for me, will ya?
I looked at my watch. I couldn’t believe I had spent an hour talking to a Dog. FML.
P.S. Since I know very little about dogs, I appreciate RPee’s help in figuring out the caste system for the ‘Rise of the Dogs’. Also, if you liked this conversation, it would be nice if you to added Daisy as a friend on FB. And say hello on her wall. She loves attention.