I am suddenly filled with fear of the death of a mentor and friend.

I ask myself. Would I continue to do what I do, if she dies ? Would my life have any meaning left ?

I know, it would be a matter of time before my mind gets used to your absence and moves on. Would I rather not kill myself before I reach a point where I forget you ? If my mind forgets your existence, then it rather not deserve to exist.

Death, you are no stranger to me. I have faced you twice. You don’t scare me. But I hate you because you make me feel helpless. A cripple in front of you. With all my education and my abilities, I know that nothing I do, will change a thing. People will forget you. I will forget you. Eventually.

My selfishness never ceases to amaze me. Here I am. You’re dead. And all I am worried about, is myself. But what else were you here on this earth for, if not for me ?

Twenty three years. Twenty three years of my life to meet someone as phenomenal as you. I know. I know, that I will not meet someone as radical as you. Someone as awesome as you. I beg the universe. I don’t think I can do this one more time.

But I know you Life. I know you very well. You like to test me. And I haven’t lost so far. I promise you. I promise you, as long as I am alive, I’ll figure out a way.

And fight.

Cause I know.

I know very well.

She would have done the same.

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